the Quad

you’ve probably read me mention the Quad… will this refers to are polysemous little family . if you want to know more about it read there blogs… there much better at it then I.   but for brevity sake may first love is lexxi and about a year and a half ago we started dating krys and gun …, over time we’ve become and open item…. yes we are (and have) open to other ether as a group or individually.  but be forewarned hooking up with one mean the rest are there and watching :)…

Lexxi 

Who is she : wife / life partner / main model , ect … ect…. 

blog : http://lexxiblue.wordpress.com/
twitter handle : @LexxiBlue

Krys 

How she is : Girl Friend / wife#2 / lover /  other favorite model
blog : http://krystalla3.wordpress.com/
twitter handle : @Krystalla3

Gunnar  

 Yes its a picture of a dick get over it…. not because he is one but well that the only picture i have taken with him in it … and it’s a pretty cool pic…..
how he is : My partner in crime / Kry’s husband / Lexxi’s BF / Lexxi’s husband#2
blog : http://sweetgunnar69.wordpress.com/
twitter handle : @sweetgunnar
Posted in erotica, intro, links, nude, pictures, polyamourous

control and restraint….

now that is a loaded tittle… some of you may have figured out that I have a very twisted mind and set of desires…. if not just look at the account that i follow on twitter   my list of fetishes is quite long but that is for an other post. Some of you may call me a dominant, and I am but what most of you don’t see is that i’m a sadist.. and a emotionless one at that,.. which can be very dangerous if not controlled properly.. lexxi one commented that I was one slip away from a psychopathy… and that true… the intellectual curiosity of it all fascinates me..  seeing how people reaction, analyzing, dissecting it, reliving it in my mind is sometime more important then the act itself… this is what make me a voyeur and such a unique and good photograph (no i’m not modest at all) i see thing from a different angle…

Pain

i love it… i live with it constantly … I’ve posted that i has fibromyalgia well this leave me in a constant state of pain… even the rare time where there is no pain it’s painfull since it feels like sensory deprivation  … i also like seeing other feel pain ether inflicted by me or others…. love seeing how they react to it… how they cope with it… inflicting it upon a  willing and trusting partner is the ultimate rush could be as simple as biting a nipple or giving anal dry  to  chocking them to an inch of unconsciousness then letting go. over and over again….  now don’t confuse pain with misery/abuse/cruelty … that i cannot stand and will fight against (and have) it anyway i can… 

control/restrain

this is where you walk the razor edge… where the demon lurch behind the eyes liking/wanting to do something doesn’t mean doing it…. One must learn to recognize you want and desires as what they are controlling yourself and showing restrain …. which in itself feed your fetishes…… knowing how far to go with your partner to satisfy both are need without breaking the trust line… but slowly bending it to see how far it will go before braking.. or if it will move in one direction or an other…  this is where restrain come in imaging doing something is one thing … doing it is an other… As much as some of my partner would like it i never fully release myself… I’m proud to say I’ve never had one yell out RED. they’ve come close but never said it… 

Rules

if set myself rules and guideline…. 
  • i will not permanently harm someone unless i absolutely have to (and I’ve had to unfortunately)  ether physically or mentally…
  • will push but never shatter someone physically or mentally… again i like pain but i’m not cruel (most of the time)…
  • to each is own…. if someone is not into it… i will adapt… again restrain is pain and i like it 😉
  • karma is a bitch… and she and I have had a long standing relationship… 
  • Intentional nonconsensual is to be stopped at all time… will fight for that at any time  of day
  • I will guide (and infuance) to the dark side .. but never drag 
  • there are something that should remain fantasies, in your mind  and in the realm of voyeurism …  

to lead or to wait…

this is a matter of control … the act of leading play, pushing the boundaries  or letting partners catch up to the comfort level… this is a subject I suffer through / life with constantly I’m up for almost anything (I am a strait man after all 😉 ) and will jump in and do it… my partners are not I sometime seem alouf and indecisive during play especially in it involve more the 2.  there is away someone that is not at the same comfort level or they are just not into/comfortable with certain kind of play. I choice to let the go at there own pace or follow there lead. this can be frustrating and leave me unsatisfied but that is my choice… I’ve done it to many time and live to regret it.   Wen i decide to do something and get the OK I do it my way… which some don’t always like… but they have to decide do they want a leader/dominant or not…
hope i didn’t scare you to much….  remember Pain is an Illusion that must be embraced before it can be mastered….
Posted in bdsm, control, dom, fibromyalgia, Pain, rules, sadist, sex

Thoughts on previous post

First of I would like to thank those who commented on my previous post privately or on Twitter….  And yes I do have  big ball,  though if you follow me on Twitter you know that it’s true.. 😉…  I’ve debated putting my thought on this issue on this blog…  It’s part of me after all..  Most of my musing on this issue is on my other blog. But this subject touches area of my life that are not know to all and unfortunately may not not be accepted by all or polite society…  Hence Bob’s blog.   Just to get clear…  Not trying to get sympathy these are issues that are part of me and have been for a long time…  The current curve ball is nothing more the that.  And we’ll you can hit a home run on a curve you just go to know how to time it….  But I digress…  So expect some more musing on the naughty side of my issues….  If you don’t like it though…  This is my blog…  And if you learn something all the better….  But don’t worry expect some hot erotica captured by eye to be back up soon…  I’m  changing to my own blog service so I don’t have to adhere to bloggers prudish restrictions…  So stay tune…

As always welcome to my madness….

P. S.   If my thought did attract a sympathetic female hear I’m always looking for FWB..  Having numb Nut has some advantage I  the lasting power department…. Just saying   😁

Posted in explanation, fwb, fybromialgia, musing, poly, swinger

This blog..

Please note I will be moving this blog off blogger in the very near future… I’ve gotten my own host and will have full control over content 

Stay tuned

Posted in Uncategorized

The joys of meds….

If you follow my other halfs kry’s and Lexxi you know that I’ve been recently (officially)  diagnosed with fibromyagia (this is not a medical blog so if you want to know Google it)    in essence my body is ether in constant pain or numb (hence my Twitter handle)   …  I’ve live with this for year and have watch my body feel pain more and more…  Last fall / winter was bad….  Real bad…  To the point that I finally gave in a had the drug talk with him  …  You see drugs that are available for this wonderful syndrome are those that you see on US TV Commercial    you know the one that half the commercial is side affect…  Not fun.

I can live with the pain…  And really most of the time I’m numb to it…  If it get bad I just shut down or cocoon…  But i’m not alone in this world I’ve got a wonderfully sexy wife,  Lexxi,  and I’m part of a great poly relationship with krys and Guner…  I can just ignore/ cocoon I have to live.  Hence the decision to try the meds…

current Meds that are used for #FM are meds that are no design for this syndrome but the drug industry in there ongoing search for more revenue from expiring patten (or obsolete drugs) . The current drug du jour are combination of a serotonin increasing anti depressant and a neuro suppressing epileptic drug…  That suppositly reduce FM pain by  20 to 60% not perfect but he’ll of a lot better the feeling 100% of sometime numbing constant pain…  If you can stomach the side effect that is…  Life is always full sacrifices… Do the good of the situation out way the bad….  Well I’ll tell you the bad on these was really bad well at least till I started taking the drugs properly…  If you want to know more find my other blog…  Way to depression get for a adult oriented blog… 

For the purpose of this blog I’ll discuss the one side effect that I didn’t want to have lost of libido….  When playing around with brain chemistry this one is enviable…  And suppositly temporary…  And since I have a over exited libido and used to being numb down their (again Twitter handle is factual)  I didn’t think this would affect me to much…..    Surprise?

Side effects so far

Almost complete lost of sensitivity.   I thought I was numb before,  I was wrong…  There a term often used for woman car anogasmic  ,  the inability to cum,    which for women is very frustrating…  Well its downright paid full for men.  I’ve gone weekends with two lovely ladies playing with me and hours of fucking over multiple season  and not cum a drop…  And really feeling like I’m basically wearing a strap on instead of a dick…  Cause thats about as much feeling that I get…  Problem is…  Presure still builds up in the balls…  Can you say epic blue balls.

Lost of pain…  I feel nothing down there I currently have a ring of cuts around my dick….  I don’t feel them unless I move the skin..  Which is good but you try having sex with cuts on your dick >.<

Emotional normalisation…  This is expected,  one of the drug is an antidepressants.  But it’s also creating a emotional disconnect..  Which included love and affection..  I was never an emotional guy. But….

Loss of libido….  That was expected…  Reductions in sexual desire is definitely there…  But physically I still can get my almost 8′ up and ready in no time flat…  But if I don’t get it it won’t bother me (apart from the blue balls of course)

The big think and the one that was not expected is the total lack of emotional desire for sex….  Intellectuely and physically I know it there…  But the emotional tie in is gone…  Even Cummings (when I do)  is a physical release,  nothing more.    I can honestly don’t care if I have sex or not,  I can have a theresome going on beside me and it won’t excite me…  That’s what really bothering me…  Sexual dominance as been a core value in life.   It part of who I am…  Now it’s meh and that depressing and frustrating for my partners. 

The delema

Now that my meds are properly doused and that I’m taking the second one,  several of my really bad symptoms are gone which make the benefit vs side effects so hard to look at…  The sexual side effects are suppose to be temporary so doctor is pushing it off….  Let’s hope.    For now guess I’ll just have to wait and please my girls the best I can

A well stay tunes… 

Posted in anogasmy, fybromialgia, Pain, poly, side-effect

Feedback

I consider myself a self soficiant man and pretty much know my own worth … Or at least I though I did.   Being a computer nerd / geek I’ve gone through my share of bullying  and ridicule…. Like most people in the intellectual community I’ve learn to deal with it,  some days better then other…. But I digress…  I live and work in a world of politics and money. Feedback is ambiguous but usually involves influence or $$ and you know you are are doing well not necessarily by what people say but on your pay scale or how many people listen to what you say.

Well the knee change a bit lately… I’ve fallen in to the wonderful world of the arts where the rule Aldo similar are completely different..
Praise and  feedback are completely deferent. I’m not dealing with 1’s and zeros or political maneuvering…  But the wonderful world of subjective personal opinion….. It’s the geeks worst nightmare.. Lol  

Don’t get wrong I Have patio for photography and I know I’m only scratching the surface of my talent/experience…  But every time I post  picture I feel like  15year old kid waiting to see if I did good….  It’s kind of adnerving….  And if nothing comes up good or bad it’s feels like a blow… Definitely give me  a new perspective on some of the praise I give other artist…   So give it a go give your opinion…  Not just platitudes help someone grow in there chosen vocation and passion

And to my sister (who I really hope is not reading this blog )…. You are one of the best in your field,  know it for years and publicly said it for years…  Just not sure if I’ve told you directly

Posted in Insight, rant, soapbox

a little bit of rope

if you follow my models on twitter you may know that some of them like to be tied up… so i try to incorporate it in my shoots when ever possible in this case it was the impressive flexibility of Krys that sparked this scene we were just finishing up a set pose

view of the Jewels

 that we decided to test some of the flexibility with a little rope trick i wanted to try, where i twist two color ropes together

black and white
closeup with large aperture

as most of you know i like to use the pop color technique as well as having a nigh large aperture… giving me a nice tight focus

Posted in photoshoot, rope

#photographerbucketlist —- the first atempt

if you follow my twitter account you’ve probably notice that I (or my models) sometime re-tweet pictures with the hashtag #photographersbucketlist or something very similar depending on the available space …  this mean that we like the picture and i would be fun the reproduce the scene…. sometime this is a pipe dream and I really just want to do the models ….

The Reproduction…

and other time it’s a distinct possibility that it will happen. and well our first reproduction happened a few weeks ago. this scene was actually not mine to tag.  its one of my models Krys and lexxi . and who am I to deprives them of there fun….. 😉  reproducing scene is not as easy as it sound especially erotic one, you need willing participants as well as the proper local and props… so here we go

The Shoot 

Lexxi and Kry relaxing between shots
like i said to do a successful photo shoot you need a photographer, willing models and a location… and of course an idea of what to shoot…..  and for this one the hardest part was not the last one… this should was hard on the photographer … well if you look at the picture you’ll get it ….. it was the angle. as you can see to get this shot the way i wanted it it was done free hand and with me suspended above the couch….
the reproduction

my variation

Having fun

can’t just do one shot so we have to have some fun… and well to make things interesting had the girls wear a little something that would not show in the main shoot… but would show up after 
full  view
closeup of the jewel

that ass

Or make it classy 

classic

and well since I’d like to do this for a living (at least part time) need to practice the classic shots… all shapes and size are beautiful… you stick or Photoshop…. all you need a will participant. 

Boobs….

And well you all know me  I have to shoot boobs….

Posted in Uncategorized

the joys of a double life..

I knew it would happen as I progress in my life as a photographer… a decisions will have to be made about my 2 identities… my online and swinger one and my regular life.   most of my non erotic pictures are posted on my my other account but most of my fans are on this one.    I have a artistic decision to make and i’m asking questions of my fans … this frustrates me since i only get the opinion of half of them and the wrong half (in my opinion these days)   . so here you go   here’s a peek of my favorite so far …

tell me if you like it ….

also since it is May the 4…. a litte #maythe4bewithyou fun…..

Posted in Uncategorized

domain name

well damn guess i forgot about my blog…. actually got around to creating my domain name.  www.shutterbob.net   .. more post are comming soon i promise

Posted in Uncategorized